Post by begakid on Apr 1, 2015 16:51:39 GMT 10
I changed my car horn to gun shots. Now everyone moves out of my road much quicker
*You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. If she is
holding a gun, she's probably angry.*
*Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they
drink like their fathers.*
*You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like
someone? That's common sense leaving your body.*
*I don't like making plans for the day because then the word
"premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.*
*I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.*
*I decided to change calling the bathroom the John and renamed it the
Jim. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.
*Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met
yet...*
*I don't need anger management. I need people to stop irritating me!*
*Old age is coming at a really bad time!*
*When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment... now, as a grown
up, it just feels like a small vacation!*
*The biggest lie I tell myself is... "I don't need to write that down,
I'll remember it."*
*Lord grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the
courage to change the things I can & the friends to post my bail when I
finally snap!*
*I don't have gray hair. I have "wisdom highlights". I'm just very wise.*
*My people skills are just fine. It's my tolerance to idiots that needs
work.*
*Teach your daughter how to shoot, because a restraining order is just a
piece of paper.*
*If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would've put them on my knees.*
*The kids text me "plz" which is shorter than please. I text back "no"
which is shorter than "yes".*
*I'm going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I'll do
that second week.*
*I've lost my mind and I'm pretty sure my wife took it! *
*Even duct tape can't fix stupid... but it can muffle the sound!*
*Why do I have to press one for English when you're just gonna transfer me
to someone I can't understand anyway?*
*Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.*
*Oops! Did I roll my eyes out loud?*
*At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what
I came in there for.*
*Chocolate comes from cocoa which is a tree... that makes it a plant which
means... chocolate is Salad!!!*
Image removed by sender.
This email is free from viruses and malware because avast! Antivir
*You can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. If she is
holding a gun, she's probably angry.*
*Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers. Now they
drink like their fathers.*
*You know that tingly little feeling you get when you really like
someone? That's common sense leaving your body.*
*I don't like making plans for the day because then the word
"premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.*
*I didn't make it to the gym today. That makes five years in a row.*
*I decided to change calling the bathroom the John and renamed it the
Jim. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.
*Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met
yet...*
*I don't need anger management. I need people to stop irritating me!*
*Old age is coming at a really bad time!*
*When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment... now, as a grown
up, it just feels like a small vacation!*
*The biggest lie I tell myself is... "I don't need to write that down,
I'll remember it."*
*Lord grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the
courage to change the things I can & the friends to post my bail when I
finally snap!*
*I don't have gray hair. I have "wisdom highlights". I'm just very wise.*
*My people skills are just fine. It's my tolerance to idiots that needs
work.*
*Teach your daughter how to shoot, because a restraining order is just a
piece of paper.*
*If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would've put them on my knees.*
*The kids text me "plz" which is shorter than please. I text back "no"
which is shorter than "yes".*
*I'm going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I'll do
that second week.*
*I've lost my mind and I'm pretty sure my wife took it! *
*Even duct tape can't fix stupid... but it can muffle the sound!*
*Why do I have to press one for English when you're just gonna transfer me
to someone I can't understand anyway?*
*Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.*
*Oops! Did I roll my eyes out loud?*
*At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what
I came in there for.*
*Chocolate comes from cocoa which is a tree... that makes it a plant which
means... chocolate is Salad!!!*
Image removed by sender.
This email is free from viruses and malware because avast! Antivir